Thursday, June 28, 2012

Why Farts Should Not Be Noisy...

Today, my receptionist at work was working on her first essay for her writing course. The topic? "Why farts should not be noisy..." Yeah, her teacher is a little whack apparently, but I decided it was a perfect prompt for a new blog! I know, exactly what you wanted to read, right? ;] Here's my opinion on the matter:

I really feel like "passing gas" isn't that strange or funny of a thing. I don't think it's rude. I don't think it's silly, or embarrassing. It's a natural bodily function. And guess what? It means you're healthy! If you don't fart, there's something wrong with you. 

These are  some fun facts I found online: 

"The sounds are produced by vibrations of the anal opening. Sounds depend on the velocity of expulsion of the gas and the tightness of the sphincter muscles of the anus. Contrary to a popular misconception, fart noise is not generated by the flapping of the butt cheeks. You can see proof of this in the close-up video footage of Carl Plant's fart on Mate-in-a-State " (source: Interesting, right?

 I also thought this quote was quite humorous: "A gentleman is mostly likely to fart first thing in the morning, while in the bathroom. This is known as "morning thunder," and if the gentleman gets good resonance, it can be heard throughout the household." 

Also, "There is a company called Fartypants that sells underwear designed to absorb the odor of farts. If you should be caught without your Fartypants, another ploy is to blame the dog or cat, if one should be present, or complain about how the wind must be blowing from the direction of the paper mill.
    As for the sound... if you are in a large group of people, act oblivious and innocent, or glance quickly at the person next to you, as if you think he/she did it. Other strategies include coughing or suddenly moving your chair so that people think that they misheard the fart. If you are with one other person, you can act as if nothing happened, and the other person may believe he was mistaken in thinking he heard a fart.
    CJT addresses the problem of farting loudly in a public restroom as follows: "My solution: use a handful of loose toilet paper, cover your butt hole and it will muffle the farting; my friends and I call it the 'Buff Muff'!"
    Depending upon the company, another strategy is not to cover it up, but to proudly proclaim the fart as your own grand accomplishment and to issue a challenge to the others to outdo that one if they think they can." 

Google farting. You can certainly learn some fascinating information. :)  Thanks for reading my wonderous blog. Tune in next time. You never know WHAT I'm gonna write about.